But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
