He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
