I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
