do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
