Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
