Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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