12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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