oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
