I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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