i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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