i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
