the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
