Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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