you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
