Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
