Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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