he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
