mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
