Having a random hookup so left but love u
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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