just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
