She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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