yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
