I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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