How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
