I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
