I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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