just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
