HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
