Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
