I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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