Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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