My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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