I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
