Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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