I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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