I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
