Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
