I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
