Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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