when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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