fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
