I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
