Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
