I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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