So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
