So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
