The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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