I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
