It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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