That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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