Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
