He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
