Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there was a trapeze. enough said
i will never coherently bang her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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