I must be too annoying 4 u.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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